I’m strugglin’ girls with a decision coming up, well not really struggling but “rich people problems” as they say, AND NOTE I am not rich AT ALL, it’s a joke. As many of you know I’m a work-at-home mom. I write this blog, run a paperie on Etsy, and am starting a completely new venture in the fashion realm on instagram. I’d say right now my time is about 80% kids, 20% work, and truthfully, I’d like the work part to be more…Aaaand I feel bad about that. Why?
Because MOM GUILT and it’s so effing annoying. The thing is, I’m choosing to work, so that means choosing to spend less time with my kids to do something I enjoy, and there is a part of me that says it’s okay if it’s what makes you happy and in turn a better mom, and then there’s a part of me that says it’s selfish and that one day I might look back and say I wish I’d spent more time with my kids instead of in front of a computer screen. Again this guilt stems from the fact that I’m choosing to work, which is much different than having to work for income, though of course we would benefit greatly from some added income so we could save, college funds, etc… Also please note, I’m not trying to brag about the fact that I have that choice, it’s just where our life is right now and we have made sacrifices to live off of one income, and I’m fully aware that can all change one day.
So, this week I kind of hit a breaking point. I was pretty strung out by the time my hubby came home from work. The house was messy, dinner wasn’t made, orders on Etsy were ringing in on my phone, I was getting emails from wedding clients that I so desperately wanted to fulfill, I wanted to work on my blog posts, but I was taking care of the kids and trying to be a good mommy, so I turned my back to my computer and went outside to play with Brian in the leaves, coo’ed with Grace, etc… Then at night while we were lying in bed, Brian said, let’s get you some more help, let’s get a nanny. I’d rather you be happy and feel satisfied at the end of the day then so tired from trying to work and be a mom at literally the same time. Half of me LOVES the idea, the other half feels like shit about it. I’m a stay-at-home mom with a nanny?? Because it’s my own business and I have control over the work load to some extent it does sometimes feel like I’m a stay-at-home mom with a hobby, and I’m getting a nanny to spend time on that. UGH. But really, the truth is, I have so many dreams and goals for Pure Joy Home and I get so much peace and satisfaction from it. It’s my creative outlet and without it, I don’t know how I would be. Seriously.
So I found myself a nanny. She’ll be coming on Mondays and Fridays, from 9-4. She’ll be with the kiddies in the morning so I can sit at my computer, drink a cup of coffee and WORK 🙂 You don’t know how happy that makes me!! I’ll keep you posted on how it goes, but I’m looking forward to it, really. I hope my kids (and myself frankly) don’t look back and think this is a selfish move, but as I write this post (it’s like therapy) I’m getting over the MOM GUILT, the positive effects it will have on my mood, and in turn, our family will far outweigh the downside, if there even is one.
In conclusion, the most important role of a mother is to be the heart of the home, and we need to feed our souls with whatever it is to keep that role alive and well. It could be yoga, blogging, working out, writing, reading, painting, shopping, it doesn’t matter. The point is, we need to banish the mom guilt for doing for ourselves.