I contemplated writing this post because I’m sure 80% off my readers will either a. be disinterested or b. want to slit my throat for sounding like a brat but I’m going to anyway. Yesterday sucked as a stay at home/work at home mom. There was no break when I was at a breaking point so I did my usual, call my mom to vent, she wasn’t available, so then I tried Brian, neither was he (in fairness, if I were them, I probably wouldn’t answer either, who wants to hear a mom on the brink) so I resorted to screaming into a pillow! I’ve never done that before and my throat hurt afterwards but it did feel good to “get it out”. Am I the only crazy person out there who does that??
Before I go on, let me preface this by once again saying (I’ve posted a similar “essay” before) that being a mother is the greatest privilege and gift I have ever been given and I 100% honor my role, but there are days… ohhhh there are days…
I woke up feeling tired as usual and not well. My entire face was hurting (it had been for days but I chalked it up to being tired) and when I pressed on my sinus areas the pain was real. So I called to make a doctor’s appointment and they had an opening at 11. Brian’s babysitter who lives next door (godsend) had an opening so I took it for the morning. I made coffee, got Brian off to the babysitter, fed Grace, checked emails, wrote a quick blog post, and took a shower with Grace sitting in the bumbo seat in the shower because she wouldn’t take a nap.
I get to doctor in pouring rain and find out my sinuses are infected (what??) and my doctor tells me I’m probably worn down so my immune system isn’t “up to par” and able to fight the infection. So she calls in a prescription for an antibiotic. Umm , okay I guess? I don’t really have time to think about it but I will once I get two minutes to myself. Onward with the day, I pick up Brian, get home, feed Brian lunch, put him down for a nap with a whining overtired baby in my arms. Finally after an hour of trying to Grace down she dozes off. I lay down feeling like crap, ahhh peace, and then five minutes later “Mommy, I’m awake!! – Brian. The day goes on and I’m frustrated as heck because all I want to do is rest my hurting face.
I’ve come to learn during my brief two and a half year tenure of being a mom that there really is no day off from being a mom. I love my kids to death, but I seriously need a day when I can leave the house in the morning and not come back until the evening, I need a 9-5 basically. This whole motherhood thing is f*cking tough, it really is. It’s not all cute pinterest crafts, coo’ing babies, dance parties and yoga pants, that’s like 10-20%. The other 80% is spent shuffling the kids around to various activities, coming up with meals that they will actually swallow (I say “swallow” because Brian has recently starting chewing his dinner, and then keeping it in his mouth for upwards of an hour before spitting it out if he doesn’t like it, #WTF???), calming the tantrums, trying to get them to go to sleep, taking care of them when they are sick, etc…Throw in trying to run a business from home and you’re basically setting yourself up for a mental hurricane.
Is it me? Am I the only SAHM mom who feels like this? Like on the brink and in need of a serious break? Sometimes I feel like a schmuck for feeling this way, I mean I only have two kids, what about the mothers who have like eight?! And my kids are healthy, I can’t imagine the pain and stress of being a mother to child who isn’t well. As I type that I want to smack myself…Believe me, I thank God every single day for the life He has blessed me with, and for the life of these two perfect babies He has given me, so I guess what I’m really saying is, I just need a personal day.
Everyone needs a personal day though, right? I just think that since motherhood is not treated as a “job” there are no perks like “personal days, sick days, lunch breaks” that we all really need. The same is true for working moms. Sure, they get a break from their kids during the day, but it’s not like they’re taking that time to themselves, maybe if they’re lucky, they get to take a quick lunch break? They wake up, get the kids ready for wherever they have to go, go to work, answer to people all day, pick up kids, get home, do the nighttime routine, and then do it all over again. I know… it’s life, but it’s hard. And more than anything it’s beautiful and amazing. I digress, what I’m trying to get at here is that I think it’s REALLY important for mothers AND fathers (sorry, I realize I’ve alienated the fathers this whole post) to step back and take some time for yourself, like not just a mani/pedi or quick solo trip to the store, but like a day’s worth of time.
So now that I’ve dumped that on you, the silver lining is that I have learned that I need a 9-5 every once in a while and thankfully, I have a cooperative husband who is going to give me just that. Brian is giving me from the hours of 9-5 on Saturday and I going to sail off on a train to NYC to visit a friend and wander around. I’m going to get a book and read it on the train and I’m going to shop, maybe get my nails done, have lunch with my friend, and I seriously can’t wait. I’ll probably be missing them come 4 pm but in all seriousness, if you’re reading this, and possibly on the brink like I was yesterday, think about it. Ask your husband for a trade, maybe you take one day, and then he can take another day. You may already do this, I know this is not a novel idea but everyone needs a reminder every once in a while, right? I also know that to a majority of people, I’m probably sounding like a crazy person so, I’m sorry you just had to read that. I’ll get back to my regular upbeat posting tomorrow (spring break attire, woohoo!)
I’m signing off for now, Grace is sleeping so I can take a shower alone! PEACE
and this love bug
