I wonder if this feeling will go ever go away, it’s like a tug-of-war going on in my heart, longing for my children to stay where they are, small and innocent from the world versus the pure joy of seeing their personalities develop, their brains learning and skills develop, their hair growing (this one could use a little speed for Grace), interests peak, morals and values shine through… As happy and joyous as their birthdays are, there is a piece of me that wants to pluck them right up, go into another room, hold them tight and just be still. The time flies by at a cruel pace, so fast if you don’t stop and savor every minute it’s gone before you know it, and it’s onto the next.
The other night Grace was so tired and just crying at everything, all afternoon. It was early like 5-ish, too early for bed, but I gave her a bath and got her ready so she could go right into her crib when the time came. As I was changing her, she stopped me and before I could even get he pajama pants on she just hugged me around my neck and and wanted me to stop and just hold her. So I did. I brought her onto her rocking chair and just sang softly to her with her head nuzzled up around my neck. Within minutes she fell asleep right there in my arms and it was one of the sweetest moments we’ve ever had. I knew she was only going to be 2 years old for a couple more days, I stayed like that for hours, wide awake, just listening to her breathe and feeling her warm body melt into mine. My baby is growing up so fast and that moment was like a gift from God, well it wasn’t like a gift, it was a gift.
I had a chance to sit there and reflect on her, the sweet little girl she is becoming and oh my is she sweet. Her personality is so big, she makes everyone around her smile. You should see her when we are out in public, she waves and says hi to EVERYONE. In fact, first she says hi, waits for them to say hi back, then looks at me and says, “mommy now you say hi”, then I say hi, and just like that we’ve had a joyous exchange with a complete stranger, this little girl is changing the world I’m telling you. She’s a light, walking around her little world charming everyone in her path with her beaming smile, that curly blonde hair and her bright blue eyes that sparkle.
My Dearest Grace,
You are 3! God created a perfect girl in you, and I get to be your mom. I’m the luckiest woman in the world for that. Watching you go about your day fills my heart with so much joy, everything you do from smiling at me first thing in the morning, filling up your own cup of juice in the morning, your bed-head which never ceases to amaze me, the way you look at your brother, your adoring spirit for your dad, the way you play with your baby dolls, pretend I’m the baby and you’re the mommy, the way you run with your hands straight down and your legs flying through the grass, how you smile with your eyes, how you love your blanket and paci, the way you squeeze my neck so tight when you hug me, your love of music and dancing, (most recently) how you do “the floss dance”, your love of cooking with me when you get up on your stool that pop made for you, your love for dogs, Jack in particular, and making sure everyone who is walking their dog stops so you can pet them and hug them, your desire to be independent insisting you do the things I’ve been doing for you like buckling your carseat, pushing the shopping cart in the grocery store even though you hit everything in your path and sometimes knock displays over, and insisting on “privathy” when you’re in the bathroom making me stand outside the door, the way you cuddle up on me when you’re tired. Everything about you Grace, is perfect.
Don’t change who you are, keep shining bright in this world because it’s so much better with you in it. You are one of a kind and my greatest joy in life is being your mama.
I love you, my sweet Grace Louise.