Yikes, this is a tough one to write. I was trying to organize in my head before I went to sleep last night how I would structure this but I think I’m just going to shoot it to you straight from the heart.
I think about having a third child every.single.day., but I am completely split on the matter between my thoughts and feelings. Since this is a decision both Brian and I have to agree on, he has his own set of thoughts + feelings which I’ll touch on at the very end. To get right into it…
When I think about never feeling a baby kick in my stomach again, I get sad.
When I think about never going through labor again, I get sad.
When I think about never seeing our baby for the first time fresh out of the womb, I get sad.
When I think about never nursing again, I get sad.
When I think about never having a baby in a carrier while I cook and clean, I get sad.
When I think about never pushing a stroller again, I get sad.
I can’t even think about Grace going off to kindergarten, Brian in second grade, and coming back home to an empty house, literally crying already.
Lately I’ve been having this crazy urge to see a positive line on a pregnancy test and feeling that little life growing inside my belly and all the excitement that goes along with it. I want to be a new mom again, I want to take the monthly pictures and hear the little laughs and even cries. I want to comfort a baby like only a mother can…
The biggest feeling I have though, is the yearn to give Brian and Grace more siblings. I am one of two, and although my big bro is the best, I never had a sister and it’s something I really wish I had, or even another brother or two. I think big families are so fun and not having that growing up is something I do think about (don’t worry mom and dad, you guys did an amazing job and I have the best memories from childhood, and the best friends!). Little Brian asks for another baby A LOT so he can have a bigger family like some of his friends, talk about tugging at your heart strings.
So you’re all probably sitting there like, well Liz, get pregnant again for pete’s sake!! BUT…
I LOVE the life we have right now, we have two perfect, healthy kids, a boy and a girl exactly 2 years apart who I can already see are best friends. When I dropped them off at the childcare at our gym the other day the babysitter said she’s never seen siblings who protect each other like they do 😍 I like being a family of four, it’s so manageable and painless right now. I also love the attention I am able to give both of them, we’re just getting into an easier stage where I can run errands with them, bring them both to the gym, and when Big Brian is home he can take one while I take the other and it just works. I really like that, I’m not one for chaos and I’m just now starting to be able see through it all to a somewhat organized existence. I can sit down with Brian and help him with homework while Grace plays, I can cuddle and read with Grace while Brian plays. I can lay with Brian and watch him fall asleep at night, and I can still rock Grace in her glider and feel her sleep nestled underneath my neck. They are still my babies, and I’m scared of adding another one to the mix because we have it so good right now.
This might sound strange but we are also entering this new phase of having FUN together as a family. We went to the movies the other weekend and it was great! Grace lasted *almost* the whole movie but it was pretty stress-free, and then we came home and built a tent and pretended we were camping. We can play board games with Brian and although Grace isn’t quite there yet, she can hang out and pretend.
Traveling is also JUST starting to get easier. I’m ready to start traveling the world with them. I want to go to new countries, and go on adventures like another silly RV trip, skiing, camping (glamping 😜), I want to take surf lessons as a family in Hawaii, these are all things I can see us doing as a family of four in a manageable way, and like soon.
Selfishly, we also want to take trips without them. We want to go to Paris this year for a long weekend, and do more trips like that in our future. The two of us really enjoy our time together, we place a priceless value on date night and getting away solo for a few hours during the day here and there and it just seems so much easier to get away from two, than say three or four. Neither sets of grandparents would be able to take on more than 2, and it would have to be a pretty amazing babysitter to make us feel comfortable not being with them for more than 24 hours.
Also, I have this, this blog right here. It’s not a job, it’s a passion of being creative, and bonus of connecting with and always aiming to inspire women. I’m REALLY enjoying it and although I would never put my career goals over my children, it’s a piece of my life that helps me to feel whole and purposeful beyond being a mother. At this point, there are barely enough hours in the day to do it all but I’m finally finding peace and balance with my roles as a mother, wife and career woman, do I give that up for a third?
SO that’s where my heart and head are at the moment. Oh, and Brian is done. He’s happy and doesn’t want more kids 🙂 Sorry, that was a whole lot!! Where are you in your stage of life, how many kids do you have, want more? Share in the comments below, let’s start a discussion!